


Little Lamb

by CarbieDraws



Category: GTARP, Grand Theft Auto V, NoPixel
Genre: Animal Death, Blood, F/F, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 18:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbieDraws/pseuds/CarbieDraws
Summary: “Little Lamb, you messed up. You need to be punished.”“I-I’m sorry Mary. I didn’t- I never-““I know you didn’t, Lamb. But mistakes have consequences. It’s time to face them.”





	Little Lamb

**Author's Note:**

> Alright I'm dipping my toe into writing for GTA RP, but let it be known that because the amount of content is impossible to keep up with, there will be discrepincies in here in regards to established canon. The wiki just isn't thorough enough to get all the information I needed, and sadly it's really tough to parse things together through clips.
> 
> That being said, please be careful when reading this story. Mind the trigger warnings, because it does get a bit bloody. Nothing is ever shown in the act, just the aftermath. I just couldn't shake this idea out of my head after Tessa hit that bird with Hilda, and it slowly grew into this idea. It got... wildly off track, but it works! Hopefully.

It was a quiet day. For that Amara was grateful. There were few truly quiet days in Los Santos, most filled with constant calls on the radio back and forth between Pillbox and wherever a crazy criminal decided they wanted to do their next job. Either that or one of the officers crashing their car and going through the windshield again. That was always a given.

For once though the fates smiled on her, giving her time to just relax. She even entertained the thought of calling it early and going back home to Tessa, maybe getting in a date. They were sadly too far and few between given their hectic schedules.

She had seen her girlfriend put up an ad on the yellow pages for her driving school a few hours ago, but given it was a quiet day, Amara figured they probably went pretty uneventfully. She worried sometimes that Tessa’s job was even more dangerous than hers, just by virtue of being so close to so many criminals wanting to get their license back, but Tessa could handle herself. When they first started dating, Amara was sure that she was innocent and naive through and through, but she soon realized that her girlfriend was crafty, and understood a lot of what was going on. She just didn’t let it bother her, and kept going on her way as an upstanding citizen. Amara respected her for that.

“I think I’m going to go home early today,” Amara called out to the other EMS on duty as they loitered in the middle of Pillbox. 

“Gotta get home to the wife?” Sarah joked.

“Not yet.” Amara rolled her eyes. “We’ve only been dating for a few months.”

“And you already bought a house together. Sounds to me like you’re ready to take the next step. Lesbians move fast, don’t they?”

Amara didn’t bother to respond, just shaking her head but unable to wipe the smile off her face. 

After a quick change, she was out of her outfit and ready to head back to their beach house, hoping that Tessa would already be there and she could surprise her. Her days were always unpredictable, especially with her design jobs on the side, but it seemed like she was tired when they got up this morning, so Amara bet she’d retire early. Perks of being your own boss and all that.

And sure enough when Amara looked into the driveway of their house, Tessa’s tesla was parked right outside. Except it looked wrong. 

Tessa’s car was always parked the perfect six inches from the curb required, right where it was meant to be. This time, though, it was off kilter, like how a criminal would park their stolen vehicle before running as far away as possible. Plus, there was a dent on the hood. 

Well, maybe she just had someone else drive her. No one in the city was as good a driver as Tessa- in fact, most people were awful drivers- so it wasn’t that surprising her car might end up like this.

She just hoped it was one of the more nice friends. She didn’t think she could handle the likes of Kiki or Vinny at their house. 

Amara pulled out her keys, unlocking the door and pushed it open, listening for the signs of someone in the house besides Tessa. No screaming, so that was a good sign.

However, there was barely a peep. Usually if Tessa was around she’d be doing something like cooking, or rocking in the rocking chair, or talking to someone on the phone. It was rare for their house to be completely silent like this.

“Hello?” Amara called out, waiting to hear her girlfriend’s soft voice in response. There was no answer. “Tessa?” She called out again.

She slowly stepped inside, putting a hand of her gun. If someone broke into their house… there was going to be hell to pay. She slowly drew it out. “If anyone’s in here, I have a gun! I’m not afraid to use it!”

She heard a whimper from up the stairs, causing her to almost drop her weapon from shock. Instead she tightened her grip, racing up the stairs two at a time. In a matter of seconds she had honed in on the open bathroom door, turning into the room. What greeted her was an image she could never forget.

Tessa was huddled in the corner of the room, right underneath the towel rack and close to the shower. She curled up in a ball, her arms held close to her chest, but they were so, so red. There were tear tracks staining her face. The ground was covered in blood.

Immediately, all of Amara’s training kicked in, not giving her a second to think. Her gun was dropped to the ground, and she was on her knees, grabbing Tessa’s arms. Underneath all the blood she thought she could see some cuts, and she immediately grabbed for the towels on the rack, applying pressure as fast as she could. It was tough to keep enough pressure on both, but she managed to maneuver the towels to one hand, the other grabbing for her phone and dialing 911 instinctively.

“911, what’s your emergency?” She heard Sarah say over the phone.

“Please help! Tessa’s hurt!” Fear leaked into her voice, cracking her facade of being calm and assessing the situation without freaking out. “We’re at the beach house!”

“Amara? Hold on, stay on the ph-” but she had already shut it off, going back to holding pressure on the wounds and praying the ambulance would get here quickly.

“Tessa,” she whispered. “What happened, Tessa? How badly are you hurt? Who hurt you?”

Tessa shook her head, not responding. She was barely reacting to the situation at all. Immediately, Amara’s thoughts went to shock. This amount of blood loss was not healthy, and she wasn’t sure how long ago it happened. It could have been any amount of time before Amara had gotten here.

Her eyes darted around, looking for more towels. The bleeding seemed to be slowing with the fabric applying pressure, but the blood was seeping through them already. They weren’t meant for things like this. A few feet away was a bath towel, but Amara’s eyes drifted over them as a glint of metal caught her eye.

It was a razor blade. It was hard to see under all the blood, but it was there. Taken from a razor, if the twisted plastic next to it was any indication.

Amara looked back over to the wounds on Tessa’s arms, resisting the urge to lift up the towel and get a closer look at them. A thousand thoughts were racing in her head. She knew she shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Tessa, Tessa was happy. She- she wouldn’t do something like that. But, what else? There was no one here, no one but them.

In the distance Amara could hear the sounds of sirens, and she had never been more relieved.

“Tessa, what did you do?” She whispered, not expecting a response.

But she got one.

“I don’t know,” the soft voice eked out, barely able to be heard. “Amara, I don’t know. It hurts.”

“Don’t worry Tessa, the EMS are here, they’re going to help,” she comforted her quickly, wanting to hold her close but terrified of letting go.

It was only a few seconds before she could see red and blue flashing outside, and the door being pushed in, her friends storming up the stairs.

Amara was sure it was a terrifying sight. 

The blood had already started to stain her own clothing despite all her best efforts to keep herself clean. It was just everywhere, there was nothing she could do.

Things began to blur as she was slowly coaxed away from Tessa’s grip, her towels being replaced by actual bandages and tourniquets. With them removed, she could see the real damage. All the way up her arm, deliberate cuts spaced evenly out were placed. When one arm ran out, it was onto the other one. She could only thank the lord that her legs seemed to be fine, but it was a small platitude. She caught sight of Casey, who grabbed her hand and led her away from the scene she was just staring at.

“Come on, you don’t need to see that,” he said, his normally hard tone softer. “She’s going to be alright, Amara. Go change your clothes and we’ll give you a lift to the hospital, alright?”

Amara nodded, barely realizing what she was doing. The thought crossed her mind that maybe she was going into shock too, but no. She was an EMS. She saw worse than this on a daily basis. She could handle it.

Going downstairs after putting on a new top and pants, getting rid of the worst of the blood stains, she was greeted by Ziggy on the front steps, setting up barriers around the house.

“What happened? Did someone break in?” He asked when he caught sight of her. “Is Tessa okay?”

Amara shook her head. “I…” No, she wanted to say. She did it to herself. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words though. That would make it real. That would make this whole situation too obvious, and she couldn’t do that. Even if she couldn’t get the image on her girlfriend covered in blood out of her mind, crystal clear as anything could be, she didn’t want to confront that reality. She never wanted to see Tessa hurt. Never in a million years. That time when they were temporarily broken up was the worst because she knew that she had been the one to hurt her, but that paled in comparison to the crushing pain she felt now. Tessa had hurt herself, and Amara didn’t know why, or how, or what to do to make it better. Tessa was a trooper, she didn’t let things bother her too much. Even when people took advantage of her kind nature, used her as a hostage or didn’t pay her for lessons, or just assumed she wouldn’t rat them out to the cops despite the fact that she witnessed them committing crimes clear as day. She wouldn’t let it get her down. What could possibly have happened now? Did Amara just miss all the signs? Was she that awful of a girlfriend that she couldn’t see when her significant other was in great pain? 

“Amara, what happened?” Ziggy snapped her out of her thoughts. “Wh-” he stopped. Amara looked behind her, seeing the EMS wheeling out Tessa on a gurney. She was completely still, passed out it seemed like. Her arms were completely covered in bandages, thankfully hiding the cuts from the world. “Oh my God.”

Both of them had seen worse before, from car crashes to helicopter dives to the ground, but to see it on Tessa was the worst feeling in the world. Someone as kind as her should never have to deal with something like that.

“Who did that?” Ziggy’s voice was hard. “Was it one of the gangs? Did they attack her?” He looked half a second away from pulling out his radio and calling all the cops to go after someone. Amara just shook her head. 

“I… I think she did it to herself. Ziggy, she… She was alone, there was no one there. It was intentional.” The words came spilling out, unable to be stopped

Ziggy’s face dropped. “Oh, Amara… I…” He didn’t know what to say to finish. Amara didn’t bother to give him any time to collect his thoughts, jumping into the ambulance with Tessa. It was crowded, but she didn’t give a shit. She grabbed onto her girlfriend’s hand, holding it lightly. No one stopped her.

\---

It was a long, long night. Any dreams Amara had of spending her quiet day having a date with her girlfriend where they would go down to the pier and eat creampies and kiss were gone. Instead she was back at the hospital where she already spent most of her days, worriedly hovering over her girlfriend.

There wasn’t much that Doctor Choi could do for her. The largest of the cuts on her arms had to be stitched up, but for the most part it was just tight bandages and a constantly flow of pain medications from her IV, keeping her asleep for now. The worst part was that she had to be cuffed to the bed.

Amara had fervently protested it at first, but Choi sternly told her that when Tessa woke up, they didn’t know what her mental state would be. There was no telling if she was actually trying to end her life, and if she was still feeling that way she could lash out.

The thought made her sick to her stomach. If she hadn’t left her job early, if she hadn’t tried to surprise Tessa, she might have died. That might have been what she was trying to do. But they wouldn’t know until she woke up.

The police were in and out, but since there wasn’t anything criminal going on, they weren’t needed. Ziggy was hovering as much as he could, checking in every opportunity he got just to make sure she was still doing okay. By now the hospital had stopped being quiet. It seemed like there was a constant din of people, Doctor Choi racing in and out, only stopping to check Tessa’s IVs every once in a while and make sure everything was still okay. There was no sign of any improvement until a few hours later, when Tessa let out a quiet moan.

Amara immediately perk up, eyes wide. “Choi!”

The doctor quickly came running over, looking frazzled. Thankfully no one was in dire need of treatment at the moment, so she could be given her full and undivided attention.

“Tessa, can you hear me?” The doctor asked. “You’re at Pillbox Medical.”

Tessa moaned again, but didn’t open her eyes.

“You’re okay, Tessa,” Amara whispered, holding onto her hand tightly. “Open your eyes? For me?”

Slowly her brown irises came into view, looking disoriented and confused. “Wha-”

“Tessa, can you look at me?” Choi asked, turning her attention towards her. “Do you know where you are?”

“I… I don’t know,” she croaked out. 

“You’re at Pillbox. Do you remember what happened?”

Tessa shook her head.

Immediately Amara was on high alert. How could she not know what happened? She had said she didn’t know before, but what did that mean? Was she lying? Did she have a concussion?

“You hurt yourself, Tessa. We have you on morphine now, and you need to take it easy, okay?” Choi said, voice soft.

“What?” She sounded so confused it broke Amara’s heart. She tried to sit up, but was stopped by the cuff on her hand, preventing her from moving around too much. Just the image made Amara sick, reminding her of criminals who were cuffed to their beds by cops before being escorted to Bolingbroke. Tessa shouldn’t ever look like that. She was one of the only good people in this city; she didn’t deserve that. 

Tessa’s head looked down to her completely white arms. There was no sign of the scars under all the bandaging. “I…”

“Don’t worry, Tessa. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?” Choi asked.

“I… I hit a deer.” Her voice was so soft, like glass one ounce away from shattering. “He was moving so quickly, I couldn’t do anything before my car-…” she swallowed. “I… I don’t remember much else.”

Amara took a deep breath. A deer.

This time of year was especially bad for them, so many running around like rats. But Tessa loved all animals equally. Hitting one of them- was that what caused this? Surely Tessa wasn’t so fragile that an accident would make this occur? Amara would have noticed.

Tessa loved animals, sure, but not above her own life, right? Amara wasn’t sure anymore.

“Are you sure?” Doctor Choi asked, brow furrowed. “Nothing?”

Tessa shook her head, eyes fluttering.

“Alright.” Choi took down a few notes, reading over her file carefully. “Tessa, we’re going to call Doctor Cross in, alright? He’s going to take a look at you and assess you, see what happened. Don’t worry, you aren’t in any trouble. This is just to make sure your safe. AAmara is right here with you.”

Tess looked over to her, nearly causing Amara’s heart to break. Her eyes looked so lost, so confused and scared but still a hint of love in there. She had to resist every urge to swoop down and kiss her, to hold her as close as she possibly could. She didn’t want to risk hurting her any more than she already had been, though.

Choi put a hand on Amara’s arm after a minute, motioning her head to the right. “Can I talk with you Amara?” She asked. “It’ll only be a second. Are you alright with that Tessa?”

Her girlfriend nodded, and Amara reluctantly let herself be led to the side, watching as Choi pulled out her chart.

“So it doesn’t look like she was trying to end her life. The cuts aren’t deep enough to do permanent damage, it was just the number of them that was concerning. What worries me the most is that she was talking about blacking out. I need to call Serge in to talk to her and get a full diagnosis, but I suspect she went through a severe dissociative episode. Has she talked about anything like this before?” 

Amara shook her head. Tessa always seemed perfectly content and happy. Sure, the day to day grind of Los Santos could get to her from time to time, but that was normal in a place like this. However Tessa also wasn’t one to talk about her problems much, preferring to keep the burden on herself rather than worry others. She wouldn’t not say anything about something as important as this though, right? This was serious, and if it had happened before Amara could only pray to god it had never gotten this bad and she had just never seen. The thought of her girlfriend in constant pain was terrifying. Amara didn’t think she could handle that.

“You’re going to be off duty for a while too, alright? After something like this I don’t think you should be working for a good week. Casey told me that you were very quiet when it was all happening. If you need to schedule an appointment with Kizzy or Pixie, I’m sure they’d be happy to set one up. I could even call one of them right now if you need it?”

Amara shook her head. “I just want to stay with Tessa. She needs me.”

Choi nodded understandingly. “Alright. I just wanted to make sure. But it’s always an option, alright? For now Tessa needs a lot of sleep. She’ll probably be in the hospital for a bit just so that she can rest and make sure that this doesn’t happen again. Not a 51-50, this won’t go on her record, but she just needs a safe place to calm down, alright?”

Amara nodded. “Okay. Do you think the scarring will be bad?” She didn’t want Tessa to have to live with the reminder of this. Already her hands were scarred with burns, Amara didn’t want her to be saddled with any more.

“I don’t know. Some of them were deep, and they might scar more than the others. They will fade with time, but it may take a while. Once they have healed Tessa can decide what to do, but that’s her call, alright?”

“Of course.”

“Alright. For now we’ll just have to wait for Cross. If she does have a dissociative disorder, there may be some issues with her working, but we’ll figure it out as it comes. For now she just needs to be safe and rest up.”

Amara nodded. A dissociative disorder… That didn’t sound like Tessa, but she was starting to realize there was a lot of things she didn’t know about Tessa if today was any indication. 

She slowly walked back over to the bed, sitting back down in her seat. Tessa had her eyes closed, but they quickly snapped open when Amara touched a hand to hers. 

They looked at each other for a few seconds before Amara carefully pulled the uncuffed hand towards her, kissing the top of it lightly.

“You really scared me, Tessa.”

“I’m sorry Amara…”

“Don’t be sorry. We’re going to figure this out, alright?”

“What if they take my license away, Amara?” Her voice broke, along with Amara’s heart. She was more worried about her job than her own personal health? She knew Tessa was a workaholic, but this... Maybe the stress of everything was what had caused this to all come spilling over. Amara cursed herself for never noticing.

“If that happens, then we’ll deal with it then, okay? You come first.” Part of Amara wanted to yell at her that nothing else mattered, that she should be thinking about herself and how could she be so stupid to think that anything else mattered, but she knew that wouldn’t help right now.

Cross walked in a few minutes later, looking as put together as ever. He made a beeline right for the bed, eyeing Tessa up and down.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Serge Cross, I’m the head of Pillbox and the resident psychologist on staff. I understand that you had a medical emergency today?” He didn’t need to ask, the bandages were all the proof needed.

“Yeah… I don’t really remember what happened.”

Cross nodded. “Doctor Choi debriefed me before I got here. I’m just going to ask you a few questions, and get a feel for what’s been happening, alright?” She nodded. “Have you had episodes of not remembering anything before, Ms Lamb?”

Amara prayed for Tessa to shake her head, hoping beyond hope that would be the answer, but instead she just nodded. 

“Has it happened often?”

“I don’t know…” She said softly. “It just happens sometimes. I… I don’t want to lose my license because of it.”

“Don’t worry Ms. Lamb, nothing is going to happen right now. I’m just trying to assess your condition. Does it happen a lot when you’re driving?”

“I don’t know... “

“Okay. How long has this been happening for?”

Tessa looked away. There was a few seconds pause, and then, “Ever since my parents died. It’s gotten worse recently though… I don’t know what happened.”

Cross nodded. “It could be stress from the job or just being in this city. You’ve been put in a lot of crazy situations, haven’t you?”

Tessa nodded. “Maybe… I don’t know.”

“And today, what happened before the episode?”

“I remember hitting a deer.” Her voice hitched. “I didn’t mean to. He just…”

“Take a deep breath, Tessa,” Cross coaxed.

She took a long stuttering breath. “I just blacked out. I don’t remember anything that happened after that until Amara found me.”

Cross nodded. “And how long do you think you were like that? Do you remember the time?”

“No… I have trouble with the times of day. I work through the night a lot.”

“Would you say that you overwork yourself? I know you are both a driving instructor and an interior decorator, I imagine juggling that would be tough.”

“Yeah… I make it work, though.”

“Perhaps the stress from that might be making the blackouts worse,” Cross suggested.

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to worry anyone with this, or have it affect my work. I don’t want to blackout all the time. It’s scary.”

“That’s what I’m here to help with. I do believe you have a dissociative disorder Ms. Lamb. Specially DDNOS, which just means that this doesn’t tick all the boxes for other dissociative disorders. It’s the most common diagnosis for this sort of thing.”

“What does that mean?”

“Basically it means that you are experiencing what is known as depersonalization and derealization, and dissociative amnesia. It may have been caused by the trauma of losing your parents at a young age, and the increasing pressures on you now, but that is something for further therapy sessions to work through in order to help you with these issues.”

“What do I do?”

“There isn’t a set treatment plan for this disorder, but there are several things we can pursue. Right now the most worrying thing is the self-harm during your dissociative episode.”

Tessa’s eyes flitted down to the bandages, then back up. “I… I don’t know why…”

“That’s something that can be worked through in therapy. For now, your health is our number one priority. Now, I don’t believe that you need to be on hold for 72 hours because you seem cognizant right now, so I will release you when you are ready, but I don’t want you to be alone for the next three days. If another dissociative episode happens before then, please come back here immediately. Same goes for if you feel any more self harming urges.”

“Okay. Can I go home now?”

“I’d wait an hour, just to make sure the painkillers are working, and then we can process you. Your arms are going to be painful for a while, so we need to prescribe you a mild painkiller while they heal.”

Tessa nodded, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. 

Cross left with a few more parting words, giving Amara a careful look. She gave him a quick nod back before focusing all her attention back on her girlfriend.

Tessa had a dissociative disorder. She had come close to death because she didn’t want to reach out to anyone. It was terrifying.

As she sat next to her girlfriend, watching her steady breaths, Amara resolved to keep a closer eye on her, to watch out so that this never happened again. Whatever it was, whatever it entailed, Amara was going to make sure Tessa was safe.

“We’ll work through this, okay? I love you, my little lamb.”

Even if it was the last thing she ever did.


End file.
